It's just such a sensitive issue to everyone but me I think.
My childless friends here always complain that they get asked a million questions by people who have children and they feel that even though they are successful, they are downgraded because they don't have children.
Then the women who have children often say they feel they lost out career-wise because of children.
This issue came up today at my work because (to spare you the details) we had a disciplinary hearing for a receptionist who has verbally assaulted everyone in our small office, including me this past Friday and I refused to take it (this isn't the first time she's freaked out on me).
Anyway, her only comeback of why she attacked me was that I'm a "chatterbox" and that she doesn't want to hear me talk to my work friends about how much fat is in veggie burgers, where we are getting our next haircut and where I'm planning a trip next.
I've been blessed to have a job that has flexible hours and a generous vacation policy, so I've been traveling a lot more than normal.
But, I also know I've been able to travel precisely because I don't have children.
Children are freakin' expensive and they take all your time. They become your first priority, while is the way it should be. Maybe I'm selfish but there's so much out there I still want to do and see. I want to know how to do everything.
I want to always keep learning and don't want to have to talk about diaper changes and teething (although in all fairness, I think I've subsumed this maternal instinct into talking about my dog and what she's up to throughout the day..)
I feel sorry/shocked when my friends (both single and married) tell me they are questioned for their decisions whether it's to have kids or get married.
Nobody really asks/harasses me with these questions although I was a little bit salty when my aunt by marriage told me I got married "later in life" because I waited until I was 30 and completely sure rather than marrying my 24-year old boyfriend, quitting my career and popping out kids like her daughter did.
But only a little salty.....besides, I'm off to Panama, Chile, and Argentina in 2 months. Oh yea, and Toledo, Ohio (which my husband just informed me that Betty White in the new sitcom "Hot in Cleveland" refers to as the Paris of Ohio!)
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Yeah, I'm not sure what's up with these Korean/Chinese/? comments....
ReplyDeleteKristin, I started getting weird comments too, which is why I put the comment approval thing on mine...Anyways, I loved this post. I very strongly felt that way about being single (when I was single) at 30. At the time I had no intentions of getting remarried or ever having kids (haha). The judgements weren't just from people in the workplace though, they were from members of my own family and friends with significant others. What's interesting now that I have a child on the way is now people automatically think you are going to convert to one of those SUV-driving soccer moms whose main joy of life is going scrapbooking one day a week. Hahaha. Looking forward to hearing of your upcoming travels...
ReplyDeleteBecca-
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame that anyone feels the need to make snarky comments about someone's life and decisions. But it's worse when it's family and friends! I think people need to focus on their own lives more.
Please don't become soccer/scrapbooking mom! I know you won't though =)
Yeah, the trip to South America is my "reward" for having to live in Toledo for 4 years, lol
I think it's great that some people decide not to have kids. God, how many people are out there with children that shouldn't be parents? And how many kids are in the foster system? It's insane.
ReplyDeleteGood decision and good for you for sticking to it. :)
p.s. I'm from Toledo. Go Mud Hens!
Hey Becky!
ReplyDeleteToo true. I think the government should subsidize tube-tying and vasectomies (sp? I've never actually spelled that word before)!
I'm actually excited about Toledo (and seeing a Mud Hens game)! I grew up near there so it will be nice to be back in the area.
"Paris of Ohio!"
ReplyDeleteI could write a book in a comment here to you with this one! To sum it all up, I am just grateful none of my friends or family members hassle me with "So...when are you going to have children?" Meh!
I hope the spammy comments will go away for you, and I look forward to reading all about your upcoming travels :-)
I googled benefits of not having children and your blog came up. I really enjoyed reading it. I lost one of my best friends b/c she basically told me my life wasn't worth as much since I don't have kids. Like you, I'm not anti-child, it just never worked out in the grand scheme for me. Now, I'm glad I don't. I couldn't imagine being in my 40's with a baby. UGH!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm about to give a persuasive speech on why not to have children and it is an extremely touchy subject. Your disclaimer at the beginning is excellent to try to not shut out people that may not agree. To make it even more wierd, I have three kids of my own and I try to convince everyone that they should not follow suit. I don't hate my kids, I hate having kids. People just don't seem to understand the difference. The lack of freedom and constant responsibility is very draining, especially when I was alone with them for about 18 months when the wife left.
ReplyDelete@Robert-Thanks for a male perspective on the subject! I have seen single (and married) people with their kids and see how draining and tiring (and rewarding) it can be!
ReplyDeleteI'm just not up to the challenge! 2 dogs and a husband are enough responsibility for me.
BTW--is your speech for Toastmasters? I used to be a member and had to do a persuasive speech.
Good luck on it!
I actually chose the subject myself for a 100 level college speech course. I'm a pretty good speaker so i wanted to challenge myself and make it contraversial. Thank you for writing this article.
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