Moving!

I didn't want to post this until I had told my boss (since we are FB friends and all and she could actually find this blog) but we're moving August 1.

When you move in the military (called getting orders or PCS'ing--Permanent Change of Station) there is a certain system that is followed.

There is someone called a "detailer" and this person basically controls your destiny. He is the person who can tell you what places are open for your job and your rank to transfer to. Everyone is always sucking up to these guys, as they are just about akin to God. If the detailer doesn't like you or if you're competing for a place against someone the detailer is friends with, forget it. You're probably going to Fargo, North Dakota or some other really hard position (billet) to fill.

A lot of people do back-door deals with the detailer to get the duty station they want.

Alas, for whatever reason that wasn't an option for us and so we got stuck with Toledo, Ohio.

And we had to fight for it which makes the whole situation pretty Twilight-zoney. I grew up in Ann Arbor and Detroit, Michigan and have only been to Toledo twice in my life. Both times to go to the Art Museum (which is amazing fabulous, BTW).

So this is how the process works.

The military only lets people stay at the job for 3-4 years and then they force you to transfer. The hubs says this is so you don't always have the same Commanding Officer and you experience different leadership styles. You're not supposed to get loyal to one person, rather it's all about the mission.

Personally, I think it's so you don't get too entrenched in a community that when they ask you to go to war/go to Guantanamo Bay for a solo 1-year tour/go to the Philippines/etc, that you don't want to go. Saying that your softball team needs you to play in the state championships is not a good enough reason for the military not to send you to Iraq, lol.

You can transfer within the same city, but that didn't work out for us.

About 6 months before you're scheduled to leave your job, the detailer sends you a list of places that you can transfer to. My husband is in a specialized job, so there aren't that many places to choose from in general.

About 3 or 4 months ago we got our first round of "choices". Let's just say they weren't good.

The only one I really recall was Buffalo, NY which we immediately vetoed because of the year-round snow.

We waited a month to see what new joys the detailer would bring.

This time Memphis, TN and Camp Lejeune, NC popped up.

We debated about Memphis for awhile. It's actually a pretty nice city and much more cosmopolitan that I thought (although we only spent a half-day there when we drove out to the West Coast). It doesn't seem so veg friendly though, so that was a negative.

As for Camp Lejeune, I've had Marines tell me they would rather go back to Iraq then go back to Camp Lejeune. Apparently, it's a very swamp, humid area where the whole town is military (from the cashiers at Wal-Mart to the taxi drivers). Having lived in Norfolk, VA I remember how tiring this can be.

I've never been to Camp Lejeune, but I've heard it's like all heavily military cities. Basically, a 21-year old males dream. Crappy sports bars with cougars on the prowl. Fast food and Denny's everywhere, used car lots and pawn shops, as well as divey strip bars.

No thanks.

So we decided to roll the dice and see what came out our final round. You only get 3 rounds (1 per month) and it's a gamble since other people can take the duty station you want. The general rule of thumb is that if you see something you want, grab it because it may not be around the next time.

On the final spin of the great fate wheel, Dover, NJ was still one of our choices but it came down to a choice between there and Toledo, OH.

However, the BAH (Basic Allowance Housing) was more expensive for Dover than for San Diego (something I never thought was possible) because it's about 30 minutes west of Manhattan. This sounds great until you realize that it's basically a bedroom community for NYC. Not so exciting.

As my brother put it, "How many times, really, are you going to go to NYC? Dover sounds like hell on earth. At least Toledo is a city."

Since I'm not 24 and into clubbing all hours of the night, I had to concede that he had a point.

Plus, my parents are 1 hour away from Toledo and it would be nice for them to get to know Leo, since we met in Philadelphia and got married in Norfolk. I still have some friends in the area, so it seemed like a good fit. Although I have to admit, I cried, mostly out of shock when I first learned that was our best choice.

So we decided and then the detailer calls Leo at 5 p.m. one night and leaves a message saying, "Call me back. It's about your duty station." And that's it. No other info. I hate when people do that because then you're left wondering all night. Which is exactly what happened to us.

The next day, the detailer tells us it was a mistake and that Toledo shouldn't have "popped up" and our only choices were Dover, NJ and Billings, Montana which just popped up.

To make a (very) long story short, Leo was like, "No, this is your problem. You have to fix it. My wife's parents think we're coming. We've mentally prepared to go to Toledo. This isn't my problem."

Well, do you remember how I mentioned about back-door deals? Well, we ended up kind of making one of our own.

The only way we could go to Toledo was if the other corpsman (medic) there was willing to leave and take one of the open options (ie. Dover or Billings).

Whether it was luck or whatever, the corpsman in Toledo is a Haitian guy from NYC so he was happy taking the Dover billet.

So after all that, we're going to Toledo, Ohio.

However, there are a couple good things about it which I'll put in my next post since I know this is hella long.

The Military Commissary (aka the grocery store on base)

One of the things that’s very different about military life is that you now get to use all the amenities on base like tax free shopping in the department store and the grocery store, free movies at the movie theater and a cheap bowling alley (which often has Bingo nights. It may be senior but I love me some Bingo).

The Exchange (aka the department store) is nice and carries tons of name brand stuff just like Macy’s, Dillards or Nordstroms.

The strangest thing for me are the commissaries.

Let me try to describe it.

First of all it’s only open from 9 or 10 in the morning (0900 or 1000 hours) until 6 or 7 at night (1800 or 1900) so there’s no late night shopping.

There are no club cards but they do accept coupons.

You don’t pay taxes on the food but you do have to pay a surcharge, which supposedly goes to fund MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) programs on base or to build more commissaries. I’ve never been able to determine which exactly.

Some of them are HUGE! Like Costco on crack huge. The one here on 32^nd Street Base is the biggest in the world.

They are insanely crazy busy on all days but please learn from my mistakes and don’t go on a payday (the 1^st and 15^th of the month) or on any major holiday. I accidentally went last year the day before Thanksgiving and almost ripped my own eyeballs out I was so frustrated.

They aren’t super veggie friendly but they’re getting better and there is a lot of ethnic foods for all the different nationalities who are in the armed forces.

There are a million old Filipino ladies running around shopping there and they will push your cart aside to get what they want.

One time I came back to find my cart sailing down the middle of the aisle after some old lady decided she wanted to get at whatever my cart was parked in front of.

They also have no problem literally breathing down your neck if you happen to be in front of what they want.

To me, this is just rude. When there is someone trying to pick out what they want, I don’t step in front of them and grab a can of beans or whatever. I wait until they have finished and moved on before I go to that section. If I can do a little other shopping in that area, great. But the key is, I wait until they’ve finished.

Apparently, I’m in the minority on this one though.

How different cultures deal with the issue of personal space is always interesting in theory, but not so much in practice, especially when you’re in the middle of it.

When you go to check out, you line up and a person will direct you to whichever cashier is open. This is this person’s only job. All day.

You have to show your military ID in order to be able to purchase anything.

Someone will bag your groceries and then take them out to the car for you (this is mandatory) and you have to tip. Technically, you don’t have to but the people bagging the groceries don’t get a salary, they work for tips only. So I can’t imagine people not tipping them, but I’m sure there are many who do. Shame.

The commissary claims that you save about 30% compared to other stores. But I’ve always wondered if this is true.

The prices on the produce are very cheap. But the produce isn’t always the best and they have virtually no organic.

I don’t buy meat or dairy but I’m guessing this is where the big savings are.

However, the Amy’s Cheeseless pizzas that are $10 in other stores are $5.55 at the commissary. And dog rawhides that are $5 other places are $1.89 there.

On a recent shopping trip, I spent $146.88 (I stocked up on a lot of staples). Add in a $7.33 surcharge and a $2 tip (I helped bag the groceries and didn’t have the person carry them to my car. I tip higher if they do).

So my total was $154.21.

I did get a lot of stuff, but after the add-ons I’m never 100% sure that I actually saved any cash.

KIA

Just for those people who have forgotten the human cost of this war. This is a Facebook Update from my 18-year old stepson about the guys from his unit who have recently been killed in Afghanistan.

"Anderson got hit by an ied (broke his femar and had a bad concusion) Swingle also got hit by an ied broke his femar and hurt his back, the BC got back injuries from the same ied as swingle, doc mitchel got shot in the thigh, peak A. and Ward from Catt both were killed in a ied."

Quilts of Valor

Anyone reading this may remember that back in November Leo and I attended a Returning Warrior Workshop, which was basically a free weekend seminar designed to re-aclimate soldiers who had served overseas and their spouses. I'm not sure but I think it's mainly for reservists, which is nice since they are bearing a large brunt of the deployments.

While I admire the sacrifice, I get tired of the people who say, "Oh this person shouldn't go to war because they only signed up for the Reserves to get their college paid for".

Everyone who signs up for the military knows what they could be getting into and if they don't realize it, that's hard knocks on their part.

Contrary to some beliefs (and my own thinking before I married my husband) some people like to go to war. Some people want to go because in the military that's how you get promoted. My husband is considering going for a year in Afghanistan because he knows he will make his next rank if he does.

Some people want to go because they feel it's their patriotic duty, whatever the cause.

Some people want to go to war because it's what they've trained for their whole military career. Imagine if you trained for years to run a marathon and then the race was cancelled or if you studied for years to learn a language and was told you could never speak it. Training in vain isn't a reason to go to war, but a lot of people feel frustrated not being able to put their skills to use.

Some people want to go to escape the tiny, podunk towns they come from and the military is the only employer in town. People can actually make a really decent living from a career in the military, especially if you don't want to go (or go far) in college. You can't say that about most jobs.

Some people want to go because they are nut-jobs and want to kill people.

Some people want to go because they feel guilty that other soldiers are having to bear the burden and they want to do their part to take some of that burden off their friends. It's very common among returning soldiers to feel a sense of guilt that they're going home, while others are staying behind in a war zone.

Some people want to go because they have a family to feed back home and going to war means a ton of extra pay, including hazardous duty pay.

There are as many reasons to go to war as there are not to go to war.

But that's not what this post is intended to be about. I wanted to thank a group of people in Columbus, Indiana who are taking time out of their busy lives to make quilts for the Quilts of Valor project.

This is a project begun in Delaware by a military mom who wanted to make quilts for every American soldier who has been deployed. The idea is to cover them with love.

Here's a part of the letter that we received, along with our quilt.

"We wanted you to know that this quilt was created by the members of the CCC Quilts of Valor Project to thank you for your service and sacrifice for the United States of America....To tell you just a little about us, we are a group of folks from "thirty-something" to age 93 who meet to work at the Community Church of Columbus. Some of us have made quilts for years and some of us are just learning but all of us are thinking of you. Columbus, Indiana is located about 45 miles south of Indianapolis so you can imagine both basketball and Indy Racing are popular topics in our town. We are known as the home of the headquarters of Cummins Engine Company as well as many buildings designed by famous architects."

If your heart isn't moved by that, I think you must have a heart of stone. It makes me want to join the Columbus, Indiana quilting circle................although, I could do without the basketball and the Indy Racing.

However, they aren't kidding about the famous architects, one of their library's was designed by I.M Pei (who designed, among other things, the famous glass pyramid of the Louvre museum in Paris) and they have a Jean Tinguely sculpture. It's amazing how things turn full circle since I was just at the Tinguely museum in Basel, Switzerland.

Columbus was also the hometown of Chuck Taylor, aka basketball star and shoe genius. Who knew?

Onward to the Northwestern Frontier!

So it's official! In 3 weeks, we're off to a Navy weekend workshop in Spokane, Wash. The workshop is called the "Returning Warriors" Workshop and it's for people who have recently come back from Iraq or Afhganistan.

Even though Leo returned more than 4 years ago, he's going to be running it for his command, so we have to go check it out. Basically, it's a 2-day workshop where they put you and your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever up in a 4-star hotel with NO kids allowed.

The military used to be really strict about only allowing spouses before to this stuff, but they've lightened up in the past few years. They've come along way from the days of, "If the military had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one."

They've realized that family and relationships are important and that a happy soldier who doesn't have to worry about his loved ones, is a more productive soldier and one who is less likely to get himself and others killed.

Anyway, so this workshop has classes like, "Couples Coming Back Together", "Money Matters" and "Why I Want to Go Back". A lot of people don't realize how hard and difficult it is to adjust when your spouse has been gone for 9 months to a year in a combat zone.

It's tough for both people. The whole relationship dynamic can change. For example, if the man had previously done everything around the house and then leaves, the wife has to learn how to pay the bills, how to fix the garbage disposal, how to juggle kids, a dog, chores, a job, etc.

A lot of times, the woman (especially if she wasn't very independent before) resents it when the man comes back and tries to take over. The man is upset because he doesn't recognize this new woman.

This is just one example but I know personally from our separations, it's very hard to get back in the groove. It's like you have a stranger in the house for the first couple of weeks. I've never met anyone who can just jump back in and pick up right where they left off.

A friend of ours has been in the Philippines for 6 months and she's nervous about seeing her husband again. It's just a weird, shy, awful feeling.

There's also a lot of infidelity that happens during deployments (on both sides). Sad but true.

When soldiers come back from Iraq, I know how hard it is for them to adjust. When Leo came back the second time (he was injured and earned the Purple Heart the first time), it was really hard for him to pass under highway overpasses because in Irag, insurgents used to wait for a convoy to pass under them and then set off a bomb.

I remember one time driving in Philly and he almost made me pull off the highway rather than go under a bridge because there was a truck parked on top of the overpass and he had a flashback to Iraq.

He came back in late June and had a very hard time with the 4th of July fireworks that year.

Also, a lot of guys have survivor's guilt (that's why they have that class on helping them understand their feelings about wanting to go back). They have the class on money management because our military is paid so poorly, that a lot of the junior enlisted guys make such little money, they qualify for food stamps.

But anyway, this is a happy post about our upcoming trip.

I've planned it all out. We'll stay in Spokane Friday through Sunday and then drive down to Coer d'Alene, Idaho (about 1 hour away I think) and then on to Missoula, Montana.

Neither of us has been out to this corner of the country, so it will be totally new for us. Any suggestions on things to do would be greatly appreciated!

We are going to do a day trip to Wallace, Idaho which is called, "The Silver Capital of the World" and for some reason, "The Center of the Universe". I'll let you know if I find out why.


While the building to the left may not look like much, it's one of the places I really want to see. It's the Oasis Bordello Museum and it was the last operating brothel in Idaho, finally shutting its doors in 1988.



It was converted into a museum in 1993 and showcases how the working girls of the period lived.



They also have a gift shop on the ground floor. Not too sure about that one.



I also want to see Garnet Ghost Town outside Missoula, Montana. Growing up in Michigan, ghost towns were things you only saw on "Scooby Doo"

If anyone has ever been out this way or has any suggestions, I would love to hear them!